*this is just a little gem piece of writing that I found in my notes. It’s got some good ideas and topics that are worth talking about.
I’ve found its the quite moments. The moments where you sit listening to the cozy winter music of Nick Mulvey and you share a shy smile with a stranger across the pool like room of first floor Raggio. The moments when your sitting waiting for a class and the cold is encasing you and all you want is to melt those frozen walls with a hot cup of joe, but alas are too paralyzed to move. These are the moments we need to remember because they matter. In those moments you are nothing but your self, sitting waiting wishing that you were either somewhere else or someone else. In those moments you are unwittingly sharing yourself with all the other people sitting around doing the same as you. As I sit here, every person is engulfed by technology. Looking to their phones or laptops for relief from the weight of their subconscious and time. I am no different. I sit here desperately wishing to be hand writing all of this but here I am on my gold I6 writing away a meaningless stream of consciousness that I hope to have the courage to publish on a personal blog someday. Would anyone read it? Probably. Why? Because they are just a person like me, sitting in the cold, waiting for a class trying to find something to distract them from their pressing subconscious that’s begging to be set loose in this empty block of time. It’s a somber moment. And I say somber not knowing quite what it means but it feels like the right word for the atmosphere in the room. All of us students together snuggled in our respective sweaters and coats because fall has decided to arrive. Using the warmth from our lap tops, tablets, iPhones and androids to distract us from the crisp weather outside. A girl sits to my left, reading or more so skimming a book for a class, presumably CH and even she is snaked into this realm of technology. Listening to her music and charging her iPhone, she too is finding comfort both traditionally in literature and modernly in technology. I feel as though this all a redundant stream of consciousness but it’s what’s racing around in my mind. How did we get to this place where books are almost foreign and this little bit of wires, hard dives, LED screens that sits in our pre-arthritis hands become commonplace? My eyes slowly are becoming irritated with this little bright screen and I wonder if I’m introducing my self to eye cancer or something. I mean it’s possible, it’s probably not the best for our eyes to stare at a little screen for hours a day. We may be evolving and improving the world around us but the biology can’t keep up. I’m afraid that they world will end up like Disney’s Wall-E. This technology torn world of overweight people who no longer have the opportunity to climb a real mountain or smell the rain and it pours into the earth. And I don’t know how to fix or prevent the ultimate failure of the human race. Anyway this is all getting a bit deep for a casual sit in the Raggio but it’s where the mind wanders that shows what’s truly important to you. It makes me think of this assignment that I have to do for Insight Magazine. It’s around the theme of broken systems. And it’s us, the people that are broken. We make the system and the system is fucked and here we are doing nothing but complaining that we have a broken system. I’m thinking of photographing people. Mostly people with out homes or who are of low income because they are the output of the broken system. They are what becomes of a flawed system. I am unsure if Zach will agree with my interpretation of broken systems. But that’s the gist. I am unsure uneasy even afraid and it’s all because the system makes it out that I should be. Why? Because the system is fucked and doesn’t allow one to be their true self. In order for there to be a perfect system, there has to be no system. Yeah that might end in utter chaos but at least we would all be at an even playing field in where there is no chains of approval or others expectations to be met. You just have you and the bars you set for yourself. My bars seem intangible and insatiable. They seem so far ahead of where I am that I discourage myself from trying and that’s not fair. Not fair to me and not fair to the others that would effected by my goals. I sit here in a cold bucket seat in a class that I have come to take a strong dislike to waiting for the time to pass so I can be free. I feel so locked and closed in when I am with in the university walls. I need to get out, but all I know is school. I have done school and have had education shoved down my throat since I was born. What is out there for me? What experiences are to be had? What adventures are to be made? At this point I fear that I will never know because I am trapped in this place of fear and what ifs. What would happen if I left what i know? What if I become that sad homeless product of the system? What if I lose who I am? Do I even have a clue who I am anyway? It’s all a jumble of questions and internal conflicts that I can never escape and I don’t know who I would be with out them. My class is starting soon and I have no idea how to end this stream of random restless mind-flow since in reality it never stops. So I am ending on a note of positive possibility of not being scared because the world is only as scary as you make it.
Ps. Expect some more of these types of posts since I’m now back at uni and don’t always find the time for proper posts.