As the title says, I have problems and I am feeling a little lost and I think that I am feeling lost because of my problems??? I am not really sure. My good friend from high school does this whole journaling thing and she said this “They say you can’t write away your problems, I’ve realized you can certainly write through them”- and as much as I am not a journaler (ironic bc I am a journalism major…) I think that imma need to start writing through these damn problems before people start saying “Bless her heart” behind my back– urban dictionary Bless Her Heart if you don’t know what it means, fantastic phrase.
Point is, I got some issues, or at least somethings that aren’t sitting right with me and they need to be taken care of so I’m going to go ahead and list them out in no particular order:
- I have no filter and that recently bit me in the ass at my sorority formal. I said some things to a friend that should not have been said, and I tarnished a friendship that didn’t need to be fucked with. Way to go glenn coco.
- I have a terrible guilt complex when I screw things up and Its what makes the above situation hard, and some of the situations that are about to follow. And by terrible, I mean that instead of holding grudges, I hold guilt like no one you have ever seen.
- I cant stop watching Hart of Dixie and it makes me want to move to a small town in Alabama. 1) I hate the south 2) I hate humidity 3)I’m a wannabe southern belle
- Because of the above show and my constant binge watching, I am starting to get a slight southern accent. I am even rereading this post in my head and I have a southern twang, wtf
- I can’t manage my spending or anything money related
- I still am not fond of the boy my best friend has been seein
- My best friend is also suffering from clinical depression but won’t admit it or get help and idk what to do about that
- My other best friend put her dog, our childhood dog, down today AND she finds out how big her grandma’s brain tumor is this week
- My grandma wished me a happy birthday today. My birthday isnt for 3 weeks. She has alzhiemers.
- I look and feel like a pillbury doughboy BUT I am lacking the time and motivation to go to the gym.
- I feel like most of the women in my sorority chapter hate me
- I am unhappy with my love life
- I had a three way this weekend after a fraternity formal and I cannot decide if I regret it or not, but I feel different around the brothers now, even though I think no one knows
- The three way was NOT with my date to that formal, it was in fact with another brother and his date.
- I haven ‘t told anyone that it was a thing and it’s killing me but I don’t want anyone in my circle to know because I don’t wanna ruin my reputation with the brotherhood?? which makes me sound like i regret it.. and like I do but I dont but I do– YIKES
- Also my date to formal, yeah I think I played with his emotions because I did kiss him a lot that night but hes honestly a terrible kisser– I do NOT want your tongue down my throat every fucking minute — point is I think I let the poor kid down and that hurts but like also didnt want to sleep with him anyway
- Also this is the second three way of my college career and idk how to feel about that fact
- My little sister is starting college in the fall and it just makes me all nostalgic and makes me want to go back and start over
- I want a boy, and I have no boy, and any possiblity of a boy in my life I just shut down or push away because I have super high standards and im a little crazy
- There is a boy that couldve been a thing back around vday, and now he doesnt talk to me at all unless his friend, who is also my coworker, is around. So that makes me feel real great.
- I feel like I am not a good friend anymore and idk how to fix that
- I run my mouth (no filter thing) and idk how to stop or how to think about what I say, so my solution is just to not say anything and just interalize everything which kills me.
- I am exhausted and working at a library so thats helpful
- Soild chance I have a ticket on my car when I go to it after work
- I have country love songs stuck in my head
So yeah, I think I should stop there when it comes to talking about my problems, because honey, I could go on forever. And I know there are real problems to have, but this is my story and my problem and I feel it affecting me mentally and so I think they are valid. I have no idea what to do about them or how to fix them and that also is something that is bugging me.
I know no one reads this god forsaken blog, but if you do, comment some solutions below because I am lost and I need some direction.
Until next time, I’ll see you next time.